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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    Ontario
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    199
    Roses are red, and ready for plucking ... girls out of high school, are ready for ... college.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-11-2017 at 11:01 PM. Reason: K

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,720
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    There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!


    ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

    Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of sh*t.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-11-2017 at 11:02 PM. Reason: Q
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
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    What's the difference between shooting arrows at lovers and Kellyanne Conway? Shooting arrows at lovers is a *Cupid stunt.*
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:34 AM. Reason: Y

  4. #24
    WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 !!!
    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
    They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
    "What are these, Dad?
    To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."
    "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
    Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
    The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
    "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
    "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
    "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:36 AM. Reason: Q

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,026
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    199
    Why's a dick have a hole in the end? So men can be open-minded.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:36 AM. Reason: P

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,720
    Chats
    2618
    removed
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:37 AM. Reason: Z
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,720
    Chats
    2618
    removed
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:37 AM. Reason: X
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,026
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    199
    Why did Helen Keller have yellow legs? Her dog was blind, too.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-21-2017 at 02:38 AM. Reason: K

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
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    JRR Tolkien still smokes cigarettes. He just can't kick The Hobbit .
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-22-2017 at 12:17 PM. Reason: V

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    North Port, Florida, United States
    Posts
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    Chats
    2423
    Cat bought some crotchless knickers for his girlfriend for Halloween, Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 09-26-2017 at 11:20 PM. Reason: Z

 

 

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Joke-of-the-Month - WINNERS ANNOUNCED
Joke-of-the-Month - WINNERS ANNOUNCED
Joke-of-the-Month - WINNERS ANNOUNCED
Joke-of-the-Month - WINNERS ANNOUNCED