Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 47
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    4,800
    Chats
    4181

    MAY JOKE OF THE MONTH WINNER ANNOUNCED

    All month long, we're looking for your funniest jokes. Post jokes in this thread for consideration. The winning joke wins $10.00 CASH for its author. No limit on the number of entries. Contest ends on May 30th.
    Posting of links on All Free Chips, affiliate or otherwise, is NOT allowed !!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,056
    Chats
    209
    What's worse than seeing your Dad with a raging hard-on? Seeing your *Mom* with a raging hard-on.

    Happy Mother's Day!
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-15-2017 at 01:18 AM. Reason: G

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    North Port, Florida, United States
    Posts
    5,310
    Chats
    2474
    “A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up." ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-15-2017 at 01:19 AM. Reason: H

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    North Port, Florida, United States
    Posts
    5,310
    Chats
    2474
    “A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-15-2017 at 01:20 AM. Reason: I

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    North Port, Florida, United States
    Posts
    5,310
    Chats
    2474
    “An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-15-2017 at 01:20 AM. Reason: T

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,803
    Chats
    2672
    Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

    Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

    She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

    She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

    George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.

    He didn't explain, defend, or deny.

    He said nothing.

    Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

    You gotta love George.
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-15-2017 at 07:59 AM. Reason: Q
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,056
    Chats
    209
    Husband: "I just heard that the night manager's screwed almost every woman in our building."
    Wife: "Yeah, he missed a few on the 4th floor."
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-18-2017 at 06:25 AM. Reason: A

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,803
    Chats
    2672

    It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

    At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

    At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

    When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

    "All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

    "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'"

    "Breakfast was my idea."
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-18-2017 at 06:26 AM. Reason: W
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    4,803
    Chats
    2672
    Guess Who I Am?

    I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

    I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

    I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

    I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm
    finished with you.

    And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

    All my love,


    The Flu
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-18-2017 at 06:27 AM. Reason: J
    In my secret life I am gjr1961.

  10. #10
    In a Biology class, the professor was discussing the high
    glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the
    energy for their journey.
    A female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand
    you correctly, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in
    sugar, in semen?”
    “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going onto to add
    statistical info.
    Raising her hand again, she asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste
    sweet?”
    After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
    The poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized
    exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
    she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the
    class, never to return.
    However, as she was going out of the door, the professor’s
    reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her
    question.
    “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness
    are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.
    Have a good day!”
    Last edited by CATLICKER; 05-18-2017 at 06:29 AM. Reason: T

 

 

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. JOKE OF THE MONTH - APRIL WINNER ANNOUNCED
    By pevangel in forum Contest Calendar
    Replies: 97
    Last Post: 05-02-2017, 01:25 PM
  2. JOKE OF THE MONTH - WINNER ANNOUNCED
    By CATLICKER in forum Contest Calendar
    Replies: 73
    Last Post: 03-28-2017, 05:00 AM
  3. Joke of the Month - $10.00 CASH !!! - WINNERS ANNOUNCED
    By CATLICKER in forum Contest Calendar
    Replies: 498
    Last Post: 03-02-2017, 02:52 AM
  4. Post-A-Joke Contest - Winner Announced
    By CATLICKER in forum Contest Calendar
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-25-2016, 07:50 AM
  5. MEMBERS OF THE MONTH CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED
    By CATLICKER in forum Archive Misc info
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 03-04-2015, 03:50 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
MAY JOKE OF THE MONTH WINNER ANNOUNCED
MAY JOKE OF THE MONTH WINNER ANNOUNCED
MAY JOKE OF THE MONTH WINNER ANNOUNCED
MAY JOKE OF THE MONTH WINNER ANNOUNCED